Can be better
Here's what I think:
- The jam wasn't bad, but it didn't feel exciting either.
- I didn't hear a bass element aside from the bass drum. If you do not intend to put a bass guitar or bass strings, you should increase the volume of your bass drum. Gives more impact that way, and a more whole and heavy sound.
- As stated in point #2, the track needs more weight (add bass in EQ).
Hope this helps! ^_^